dinosaur bones

I'm trying again. another hit, another stab another bone breaking assault on my defenses. I'm trying again, but your ghost is the scariest ghost of them all. and the very sight of you, beautiful beautiful you, makes me cower and hide. makes me crumble and scramble for the pieces as they fall apart. makes me run.

slipping slipping slipping. holding onto whatever I can. don't want to be back down there again. come so far, I've come so far, to fall back down there again. I've been doing good. I've been strong and acceptant. It's hard to force myself to bow my head to a king and queen as they pass by, when I was once the king. when you were once my queen.

a peasant in your kingdom.

spent sunday morning in a park, with bloodied fingers, still pulling your hooks out of my flesh.

use to spend sunday morning asleep next to you.

I'm sorry I'm putting this, where your eyes will find it. I fought against it and lost. I know it's annoying. I know I make you mad. I put up the fight, I resisted, but lost.

I'm climbing back. I'm climbing back. I'll vanish again.

kept my eyes away from you, beautiful beautiful you, but my heart was trying to tear through my chest, reaching for you, like metal drawn to a magnet.

I'm climbing back. I'm climbing back to that place where you couldn't see me anymore. I just want you to know this. I'm walking away again, and I know how to do it now. don't worry, I know how to leave you alone. you don't have to be concerned.
I'm a strong man.
I'm trying to be a good man, trying real damn hard.
I slipped and I'm sorry that you have to see
the trouble I still have
hiding how much I miss you.

miss you so much.

how much I still really miss you.

beautiful beautiful you.