the reply being, "I am, I'm not"
Thursday, Nov. 27, 2003 12:20 am
two seasons of nihilism, 2003 want to drag me in for a third it's a constant struggle where I tell myself, you're a good man where I tell myself, you're a liar. because I believe in the human's genuine heart of goodness, because I believe in the genuine heart of sadness, but these nights, these nights, it can be so hard, to believe any of that applies to me. and I wake up each morning, and tell myself, you're a good man and I fall asleep each night and tell myself you're a sinful man and I have dreams, that say you have a bad heart, but it's trying so hard to do good but it's all, how's that go? ... easier said then done. it's 11:15, and the streets are filled with people that I don't want to be near they pass too close, and all I want is my godamn space they pass too close, and all I want, is to be around... and I want to say, I wish I was with you right now, and my heart wants to say, I wish you wanted me with you right now but nothing is said, it all stays inside, and I smile, through a shit-eating grin and say, everything is fine I'm doing good. because these feelings, effect no one, when they're safely written here, hidden behind a cowards vagueness.
last five:
A Winter Letter - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
almost but not quite - Wednesday, Mar. 22, 2006
rural times, blue skies. it feels so warm over my hair - Wednesday, Jun. 01, 2005
smiles and gone - Monday, Feb. 07, 2005
I caught my love in North Carolina - Monday, Nov. 29, 2004