the reply being, "I am, I'm not"

Thursday, Nov. 27, 2003 12:20 am

two seasons of nihilism, 2003
want to drag me in for a third
it's a constant struggle
where I tell myself,
you're a good man
where I tell myself,
you're a liar.

because I believe in the human's genuine heart of goodness,
because I believe in the genuine heart of sadness,
but these nights,
these nights,
it can be so hard,
to believe any of that applies to me.

and I wake up each morning,
and tell myself,
you're a good man
and I fall asleep each night
and tell myself
you're a sinful man
and I have dreams,
that say
you have a bad heart,
but it's trying so hard to do good

but it's all, how's that go? ...

easier said then done.


it's 11:15, and the streets are filled with people that I don't want to be near
they pass too close,
and all I want is my godamn space
they pass too close,
and all I want,
is to be around...

and I want to say, I wish I was with you right now,
and my heart wants to say, I wish you wanted me with you right now
but nothing is said,
it all stays inside,
and I smile,
through a shit-eating grin
and say,
everything is fine
I'm doing good.

because these feelings,
effect no one,
when they're safely written here,
hidden behind 
a cowards vagueness.

.new .older .profile .email .guestbook .soundtrack :: defect

dland exuant omnes your voice drifts away into lost binary alleyways it echoes photography

last five:
A Winter Letter - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
almost but not quite - Wednesday, Mar. 22, 2006
rural times, blue skies. it feels so warm over my hair - Wednesday, Jun. 01, 2005
smiles and gone - Monday, Feb. 07, 2005
I caught my love in North Carolina - Monday, Nov. 29, 2004

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