almost but not quite

it's been a long time, hasn't?

I started this diary in October of 2001. a little over 4 years worth of my life, in words, put down here.

nonsense words
angry words
funny words
blank words
painful words
loss words
hell words
excitement words
travel words
action words
redemption words
waking up words
drugged words
drunk words
broken words

about the cross the edge words.

coming back from the edge words.

I'm 26 now. I live with my girlfriend, and our dog. we're moving into a cute trinity in bella vista, that's all to ourselves. I'm an EMT. I'm in paramedic school.

I've stood beside the sick, ill and injured. I've treated them, I've watched them. I've seen the eyes of the dead, I've seen the eyes of the living living. there's a difference.

I've found some direction, some focus. I've found some love after years without. It comes. it goes. life moves in all directions. I'm happy. I'm stressed. I'm composed. I'm anxiety-ridden.

walking the edge makes you see things many other people don't. once you reach that point, of chosing to end or continue, it's important to continue.

you bring back a piece of an alien world inside your heart that is unique to you, yet shared with a unspoken group. I silent nod or wink, saying; "I've been down there too."

and here we are.

it continues here:

Primum no nocere