smiles and gone

What have I lost, to have gained so much?

I'm listing at a 45 degree angle.

there's an imbalance in this 25 year life.

millions of words here, there... past.

I still can't find the right ones,
to properly express living [happily] after one too many emotional amputations.

I was supposed to kill myself two years ago.

do you balance the ballast when you're surprised you're still afloat, or let it be, happy and content that what's broken, works?

I'm sorry.