oh, and fuck it, too...

please somebody update ... need to feel some contact that there are other people out there.

please?

god damnit, god damnit all to hell.

fuck, I'm loosing all outside markers. All reference points that links me to there. This is suppost to be good, in the buddhist idea of the concept. Lose the ego, realize there's no need for reference points, melt away, transcend ... but fuck that, it's not what I want right now. It's not satisfying.

I want to fall into that pool of opium, of morphine, that spiritual, mental narcotic.

I want to shoot it in myself, into my physical veins, into the solid, human, egotistical vein of desire for some god damn contact with other people.

fuck, god damnit ...

it's 1:37am, March 10th, 2002, and I am fucking out of my head, far beyond the breaking point of exhausted restlessness.