ennui [the cruelest month]

it's like the scene in the movies.

the part when we're shown all the characters alone, broken hearted about the situation at hand.

And one by one we see their melancholy eyes. It may even be raining out, perhaps, running down a window somewhere in the background.

it's that scene, I tell myself. That's what I would like to think. And there I am, one of the images that fades in and then fades out. Sitting alone, a sad song playing for me, rain running down my window. Late at night, without a soul to talk to.

And I sometimes drift in and out of the fantasy. And I am reminded that I have work tomorrow. That there is no sad song playing for me.

and while it may actually be raining outside at the moment, it's only the weather. It is not dreary symbolism for a character's dark and cloudy heart.

And then I think of the happy ending when the rains end and the sun comes out over the resolution, and the audience is left with a tear or two in their eyes.

but I find myself being reminded, again, that tomorrow morning will probably be gray and raining still. That I'll go to work, and come home, without expecting a happy ending. Without expecting any kind of ending at all. I'll fall asleep again, and again, and again...