I shaved a hipster's head, just to watch him cry

I'm getting about sick of the hipsters and scenesters jumping Johnny Cash's bones now that he's gone.

It's ok to be introduced to someone's music through a popular song, but to act like you're a fan and to only know his latest record, or only know his cover of "hurt", is just wrong. I want grab these posers by their stupid white belts and make them eat Live at Folsom Prison or San Quentin, Blood, Sweat & Tears, or Orange Blossom Special.

And while I'm at it;

Stop taking over dive bars because it's "hip" to be dirty. I go there to drink amongst the fellow blue collar alcoholics and to get away from you loud, coke snorting, annoying trendy fucks. I don't want to see seen.

Stop drinking pabst because it's "hip" to drink cheap beer. If you go after my colt 45 next, I swear I'm gonna get the clippers and start shaving your bad haircuts off.

Stop trying to make techno popular. Just because it's called electroclash now doesn't mean it stopped being gay.

Stop using slang you never used before you donned your first white belt and "jesus is my homeboy" trucker hat. And stop making up hipster words. You sound like a fucking moron.

Stop spending 30 bucks for a ramones or cbgb's t-shirt at urban outfitters, then washing it a million times to make it look "worn". You're not fooling anyone.

Stop wearing army t-shirts or surplus BDU tops with rank still sewn on them. If you wanna be a soldier, do your time in the army like I did.

Stay the fuck outta my jazz bar!! That's my other hide out. I grew up on jazz music. Stop taking up bar space because some dickhole told you how "deck" John Coltrane is. You wouldn't know Coltrane from Lee Morgan if your ironic t-shirt depended on it.

If you're a guy, stop wearing super fucking tight pants. I have no desire to see your left nut popping out, trying to get free of a denim choke hold.

In short, stay out of my bars, stop coming into my neighborhood and buying all the beer and leave Johnny Cash the fuck alone.