move along, there's nothing left to see

I fumbled with my words in that dark kitchen. We sat on stools at a table covered in empty beer bottles, hard liquor and spilled wine. Almost everyone was gone or passing out. Everything was going quiet, quiet. We were sharing the very last beer left.

"Would I be too bold in asking if I could kiss you?" I say during a pause in our conversation, my head lowered, nervous. I'm holding my hands.

"Bold? No."

a pause.

"Don't ask me." she said. I thought I blew it. She got up and went to the bathroom, and I kept my head down. It seemed gone.

She came back and we started talking again. A pause in our conversation and I hold my hands again.

"sorry about being too bold." I'm stuttering and unsure of anything.

"Too bold?"

"When I asked if I could... kiss you, and you said not to ask you that..."

"Just don't ask me, it makes it awkward. Just do it." she says.

"oh... I thought, you meant... It's been five years since..."

she leans in and kisses me. And we kiss.

and we kiss.

I hold her face lightly. I run my fingers down the side of her neck. I feel her hair. And we kiss in that dark kitchen at 3:30 in the morning. And I fall into her hands, and I hold her shoulders.

and we kiss. And I smile. And I don't believe it's true. I'm ready for the sabatoge. I'm ready for the worst to come. I'm ready to wake up. I've already played the conversation out in my head that the next time I see her, she'll tell me that it was just a one time thing, and I feel sad because I know my luck, but I smile because I'm holding her face and I feel her back and her hands are on my cheeks and her lips are soft and I can feel her hair and we kiss. and we kiss.

and we kiss.

And we pause and look at each other. She holds my face and looks into my eyes and I can feel her looking straight into my heart and I want to hold her and never let go. I am consumed by excitement, bewilderment and fear.

"I have to go to sleep now" she says.

"Can I stay?" I ask. She smiles.

"yes, you can stay." I smile, we kiss. We leave the dark kitchen, quiet quiet, and go to her room.

She unfolds her futon-sofa, and stands on it to reach her small bed above. We're now at eye level. She laughs and asks how tall I am.

"6 foot, 2 inches" I say. She's a foot shorter then me. I put my arms around her waist, and we kiss. We smile. We laugh.

"girls like tall guys, right?"

"Well, I do." she responds, smiling. We kiss. I can feel the looming cloud in the far distance, the storm that can deconstruct possibility. That can take this good moment and steer it off a cliff. I want to do everything right, I need to do everything right. I can't get lost. I can't drive this into the storm. I need to make the right turns and follow the right directions. And I'm scared I'm going to make a wrong course, a wrong heading, miss the turn, and screw everything up.

I turn my head away from the dark horizon that I see from my rearview mirror, and looking ahead down the road, I see bright blue skies, and I see her smile, and I see her beautiful eyes smiling back at me and I can feel her lips. And I smile.

I sit down on the futon, and she's standing next to me. I reach out and pull her close. She lays down, resting her head on my chest.

"I want you to sleep next to me." I tell her.

"But we just met," she giggles out playfully. I hold her, then she sits up.

"I just want to fall asleep next to you. That's all." She smiles, and climbs over me, laying down. I reach up to the bed and pull down her pillow and blanket. The lights go out. We curl up into each other, close, holding on. Holding on. Smiling.

We fall asleep.

I fell back asleep and had a dream that I was just dreaming laying next to her. I felt panic in my dream.

I woke up an hour later and my arm was around her and she was sound asleep. The sun was bright and the clouds were white and the sky was blue.

"Happy is Hermia, wheresor'er she lies,
For she hath blessed and attractive eyes."

I was restless from the dream, and I just wanted to hold her, but my restlessness was waking her up. Eventually I got up and walked onto the deck to have a cigarette. Her roomates were up, as was my friend who invited me to the party and a couple other people who had managed to wake up early and came back over to have breakfast and hang out. I helped clean up some, talked a little bit, then walked back to her bedroom. She opened her eyes as I came in and climbed back into the bed. She smiled and lifted the blanket up, inviting me next to her. She pushed herself closer to me, and I put my arms around her and kissed her. And we kissed.

and we kissed.

And I asked her if she wanted to see more of me, and she leaned in and kissed me.

And I asked her if she wanted to get breakfast with me, and she smiled and said;

"I love going to get breakfast."

and I held onto her.

I held on.